Life is in Session.

June 15, 2014

My Running

So I had an emotional afternoon. Actually it’s been an emotional month but it hasn’t hit me till today. I thought I was going to be okay. But my heart really hurt today. I did the only thing I know how to do when I feel this way.

I ran.

Even with a sore knee. I woke up this morning and put on running clothes, “kinda” planning on running. Met up with some friends for lunch. Laughed about what I was wearing and said I probably wasn’t going to run. But the conversation, while it started light and fun, later turned heavy.

I thought I was okay. I am not, though. My heart is heavy. And I really hate being sad. I really hate when my heart hurts. It makes me feel so conflicted. And I hate feeling torn. I hate feeling weak. I hate trusting someone and then find out I was wrong to. I really hate being so dispensable. I hate that to some people I just don’t matter. And I really super hate that that in itself bothers me.

So I ran tonight. And my knee hurt. But my heart was hurting more. And I had to stop a few times. Because I cannot cry and run at the same time. And I wished I could run and run and run….but my knee stopped that from happening.

I hate feeling confused. I hate being an emotional eater. I hate doubting my decisions. I hate not being able to talk to my husband. I used to take all my emotions to him. And he would let me talk them out.

Maybe that’s why he left.

I hate feeling like I’ve gone backwards. Winston Churchill said: “When you’re going through Hell…keep going.”

So I just got to keep on going.

That’s the answer, right?

Keep going.

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About rsouleret

I am a mother of two beautiful girls. I work full time. And I run. ILML.

View all posts by rsouleret

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