Six Weeks; Five Pounds; and One Brain.

March 16, 2014

My Running

Hello. My name is Renee and I used to be addicted to the scale. It owned me. And controlled how I felt about myself. Whether or not I had a good day depended on what that scale said. Whether I ate bad or healthy depended on what the scaled showed. If it showed a loss–I would keep up with healthy. If it showed a gain, I would say “fuck it” and eat horrible, which would include French fries “super sized”. And if it showed no change…..off to McDonalds I would go.

So it truly is a miracle that I started a boot camp six weeks ago, and have only stood on the scale once a week or so. And not given up. Because for the first four weeks….there was NO WEIGHT LOSS. NONE. ZILCH. ZERO.

FUCKING NADA.

But I loved what I had found in these workouts. The owner is simply amazing. I went because of that. I kept going because he made me feel like I was the only person there, in a room with sometimes 25 other people. And he probably made everyone feel like they were the only one there.

Then the last two weeks…the scale started showing a drop in numbers. So I weighed myself every few days. And every time it would show a slight loss. And finally: Total 5lbs.

5 lbs in SIX WEEKS. Something was wrong!!!!!! I must not be doing something right. Yes some of my workout clothes were fitting looser. But 5lbs!!!! In SIX WEEKS!!!!!

Yeah, one shirt I couldn’t wear when I first bought it was now wearable. But where was the weight loss?? My body sucked!!!!

I stuck to the eating “pretty good” for 6 days and choosing one day to eat whatever I wanted. I figured that one “eat whatever I want” day was preventing the weight loss.

Then I wore another shirt today that was looser than when I had bought it. My calves felt different. I started to barely notice slight changes…that only I would notice.

I am 4 days away from six weeks. I’ve been going to boot camp 4x a week, one week I went 5x. And trying to give it my all. And trying not to quit. Even when my mind was telling me “you haven’t lost one pound…you are wasting your time…Pushing these stupid sleds are doing NOTHING for you. You can’t even do a proper burpee!! Just QUIT already!!!!”

Shut the fuck up, Mind.

I got back to my running. I did boot camp 4x, and ran 2x, and took one day off.

Today I knew I was going to have to take a picture to compare it to the one I took on the first day of boot camp. And I was so scared. Because I knew if it didn’t show any progress….then it would be validated that my body sucked and I was not destined to be transformed.

Six weeks. Five pounds. Here is my result:


20140316-001007.jpg


I’m looking forward to the next six weeks. I am thinking about doing a ten mile trail run. I am thinking about signing up for a trail half marathon in November. I was supposed to run one today….but I deferred until next year. I was not ready. I have gotten so far off track with running—and boot camp has brought me back to it. Boot camp has unlocked a part of my brain I didn’t know existed. It’s the part of my brain that loves working out. LOVES IT…

I cannot will not let my mind win.

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About rsouleret

I am a mother of two beautiful girls. I work full time. And I run. ILML.

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2 Comments on “Six Weeks; Five Pounds; and One Brain.”

  1. Girl Runs Wild Says:

    What a transformation! Thank you for sharing this. I can certainly see a huge difference between these two pictures – you are doing so well! Who cares what the scales say? You are feeling a difference, and that’s really ALL that matters. Your sense of achievement shouldn’t be dependent on what a silly appliance has to say about you… It sounds to me like you are enjoying the bootcamp and are feeling better about yourself, which is awesome in and by itself!

    Reply

    • rsouleret Says:

      Can you imagine if I had quit when my head told me to, and I didn’t follow through? And then didn’t take the picture? I would have given up on what was working! Thank you for your words. It’s helps me SOOO MUCH to know when people out there identify and I am definitely not alone!!! Let’s do this!!!!

      Reply

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