My Running Shoes: The Gateway to Self.

June 19, 2013

My Running

I ran alone for YEARS. And it’s not at all hard to remember what that was like. My byline of this blog is “my journey with running and becoming my own friend”…..and man, has it been a journey.

Tonight, while running, someone asked me “so what’s your journey?” Took me a second to think about where my journey is leading me. It’s leading me within. And at times it’s been tumultuous, painful and hard…..but worth every second. And if every one of us sat down at a table and put our troubles and past hurts out there on the table…..we would eventually take our own pain back. Because someone else always has a worse or bigger cross to bear. While my story has ALWAYS been this horrible, painful divorce I went through…..that took me years to get over….it was JUST a divorce. I couldn’t have said that a few years ago. But tonight I listened to someone else share about a part of their journey ….and I thought “it was JUST a divorce….I was healthy. My kids were healthy. And yeah–even my ex husband was healthy.”

Running alone kept me alone for years. Kept me in my own head. Kept me apart from society. Kept me isolated from a community. Running alone kept me alone, even when I was amidst a whole crowd of people. My life didn’t change until I became willing to run with PEOPLE. And I love running in groups. Packs. Circles. Two’s. Three’s….

Because now when I run alone—I can focus on my form. My speed. My breathing. My mental willpower. I am now able to do alone what running was always meant to do for me. Because of all the group running I do–I’m okay to run alone now. It’s safe!

My mind no longer plays those sirens with announcements “WARNING! WARNING! DANGER! DANGER!”

Tonight I ran with two faster runners. It was hard. Challenging. Humbling. And Amazing. I got in my car smiling and feeling unconquerable.

(Thank you, you two.)

So where’s my journey to? I’m on the journey of finding my True Self. The true self who can be strong in the face of discomfort. The true self who can be honest in the face of confrontation. The true self who can be kind in the face of rudeness. The true self who can be a leader in my home, who leads by example. The true self who can hang on even when it would seem easier to give up.

The true self who can stop. Look behind me. See where I’ve been. Face forward. And say “fuck yeah I got this!”

That’s where I want to go.

Within.

And I didn’t know that, until I was asked the question. :-). And sadly…I may not have known that had I been running alone!


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About rsouleret

I am a mother of two beautiful girls. I work full time. And I run. ILML.

View all posts by rsouleret

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