The Trailhead. The Beginning.

April 21, 2013

My Running

So one race down—several to go. My next one is a Half Marathon in Sacramento.

My finish times for that race have been:

2008–2:57:46
2009–2:31:25

So the time to beat is 2:31:25.

I ran 8 miles this morning. I haven’t run 8 miles since last October when I completed the Nike Women’s Half Marathon. Let me tell you…the last mile was killing me. And had my run buddy not been with me, I would have quit at 7 miles no doubt. But she pulled me along thankfully. My heel held up fairly well. No pain during running. Much soreness now (hours later). Although I am definitely not complaining. I’m home icing right now.

I’m a bit nervous to run 13.1 miles with this plantar fasciitis. But what are my options? Seriously? To quit? I’m just not ready to give up running. I can’t even fathom the idea.

I had such great success with the home dvd (Jillian Michaels) that I decided to order P90x. I don’t regret it yet. And I am hoping it makes me a stronger runner like the other DVD did. I’m on Day 5. Well I will be as soon as I’m done rambling with my thoughts. Today is Yoga day. I should have done that yesterday but I had too long of a day. Leaving at 7:30am and not coming home till 9. Just too long of a day. So I’m doing it today. I did yoga once back in 2006? And I hated it. Because I didn’t know what I was doing. I’m more open-minded today than I was seven years ago. That’s for sure.

I had an epiphany on Sunday, a week ago. And it has kinda kicked my ass all week. And at the same time has given me some mental freedom I’ve been searching for the past several years. I had someone very important to me when I was growing up who suddenly left my life. Not through death but through other circumstances. And when he was gone….he was gone. The relationship was never the same again. I guess they say most girls keep looking for a man to replace her daddy. That’s not been my experience. My dad never left my life. He was a constant. Still is. But I could never understand when people would say that to me. Because I knew I wasn’t chasing my dad. And Sunday someone shared an experience of theirs with me, and it clicked loud and clear in my brain. Made my heart heavy. And at the same time–set me free.

I have an answer to a question I didn’t even know I was asking. But one of the patterns in my life now makes so much sense!

When he left he never looked back. Never invited me into his life…nor did he express any interest to be in my life. He didn’t miss me. He didn’t check in on me. He just moved on. And to this day that is how it is. And it makes me very very sad. :-(. I chased him from the age of 11 until last year when I was 44. When I made a decision to stop chasing people who don’t want to be into life. Namely him.

But what happens is we will have people put in our life that will mimic the same behavior until some lesson is learned or until our unfinished business is resolved. Just because I decided to stop chasing him—it didn’t mean I stopped chasing. I kept finding people to chase. And I don’t mean to literally chase. . I mean getting connected to people who are just unaware. Oblivious. And self-centered. And always being the one doing all the work to keep them in my life. Isn’t that so very bizarre how that works? Unfinished business will stay unfinished business, no matter who it is with. Until it gets resolved either with him….or within me….it will repeat. I haven’t decided yet how this will be resolved. However the good news….the good good news is this: I know a part of myself now that I didn’t know before. And there cannot be change until there is an awareness.

Yay me. (She said sarcastically).

What does this have to do with running? Probably nothing.

But running has been a huge catalyst to finding me. Every time I go for a run, I imagine I am running through some forest getting closer and closer to me. Closer and closer to my True Self. The True Self that is buried so far deep, that running for 7 years has barely gotten me to the trailhead.

Sunday’s epiphany was the trailhead.


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If I could go back in time–I would not change one single thing. But I sure would like to watch. This is a day I don’t remember yet have many pictures of. I wish I was sitting on the beach watching this family….and her. Especially her.

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About rsouleret

I am a mother of two beautiful girls. I work full time. And I run. ILML.

View all posts by rsouleret

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2 Comments on “The Trailhead. The Beginning.”

  1. love2trailrun Says:

    Love this. I have not been blogging lately, but as usual, you inspired me.

    Reply

    • rsouleret Says:

      I love your writing as well. For some reason I can’t comment on your blog. I need to figure out a way around that! Your last blog made me want to be a part of your family!

      Reply

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