It Ends Now.

January 8, 2013

My Running

I thought I would be going insane without running. I have thought many things throughout my life; things that have never come true.

Which is a good thing. Because we all know how my mind works!!

2012 was the year of Runner’s High! I was so high on life and running more than ever. Training consistently 4x a week brought me such a euphoric year. In October my running came to a halt due to a gallbladder surgery. And shortly after I got the OK to run again, I couldn’t because of some plantar fasciitis and a slight heel spur. Dr’s orders: Six weeks of no running and physical therapy.

I have 2 more weeks to go. And I’m not completely healed. There is still some soreness. So what does this mean? I’ve no idea….

What I do know is this: Not running has forced me to look at some other areas in my life. More specifically–what makes me tick. What my beliefs are. About myself, and others around me. I tend to compare my insides with people’s outsides. And always come up short. My mind has always been against me. There has always been an internal conflict. But running as much as I was, took all that away. I was allowed temporary happiness. And when the running schedule was put on hold…..my brain said to me, very loudly, “I’m baaaaaacckkkkkk!”

FML.

Spinning doesn’t give me the same high that running does, however it is giving me a great workout!!!! Back when I was running and training…I did “how fast can I run a mile” Mondays. Every Monday night I would run 1 mile and see if I showed any improvement week to week. The fastest I could ever complete a mile was 8 minutes and 45 seconds.

Saturday night I showed up to a half-marathon I had signed up for MONTHS ago with some friends. Knowing I was not going to be running it was a little depressing. I felt a little bitter. A little jealous. But I accepted the fact that I would be doing the 5k. And not even running it! I would be walking it! UGH. I’m not a walker!!!! I park close to the front of shopping malls because I hate walking! I will run 13.1 miles, but won’t walk across a parking lot.

When the horn went off and everyone started running, I had to keep myself from doing the same. I wanted to run so bad. As I was walking I was watching all the runners. So jealous!!!! At mile 2, I had 1.1 mile left to go. I decided to run it. To hell with anything and everything. I had to run. I HAD TO.

My finish time for the mile was 8:36. Faster than I had done back when I was training. I was so happy. And so encouraged to not give up on Spinning.

I vow to keep doing it even after I am back to running. Along with stretching and other cross training. I am determined. Determined was never something I was. Ever. I was always defeated. Before I ever tried.

Defeated before I even tried. Time for that to change.


Dear Brain:

EFF YOU. You don’t own me anymore. I own you. And I will tell you what to think. I will tell you how to respond. I will decide what is impossible or not. I will be happy regardless of what you tell me. I will do whatever I want to do…..because I can. You’ve been a liar.

No more. It ends now.

Sincerely,
Renee


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The results of listening to my brain. On the left: I can’t do it. On the right: yes I can.


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On the left: where it started. On the right: where it ENDS.


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The 1/2 marathon, that turned into a 5k walk, that turned into my fastest one mile run.


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About rsouleret

I am a mother of two beautiful girls. I work full time. And I run. ILML.

View all posts by rsouleret

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