In the Mind of Me.

December 11, 2012

My Running

what if I can’t run anymore?
what if they can’t find out what’s wrong?
what if it gets worse?
what about my 2013 resolution?
what will I blog about?
am I going to gain weight?
spinning isn’t the same
what if I don’t want to find another exercise?!
what if this pain is not repairable?

Ladies and Gentlemen–welcome to my mind! I am still experiencing some heel pain. It feels so bruised and feels so sore when I walk. The last time I ran was Thanksgiving morning. When I ran my fastest 5k. (29:48). I had already been having heel pain, but that particular day the pain lasted all day and actually never went away. :-(

Of course–my mind is fighting me with all the reasons and scenarios on why this is happening. I am not at peace like I had been this entire year. My mind is at an extreme unrest these days. All because I really really really really really miss running. I feel like I am watching everything I have worked so hard for this year slip through my fingers.

Staying positive is a challenge. I have been staying into action by taking up spinning. Which keeps me in shape and does make me feel good but it does not give me the same peace of mind I found out on the road. I don’t have the same sense of accomplishment. I don’t have the excitement of improving my pace. I feel lonely on the spin bike because I miss! miss! miss! running with my friends and having those life-conversations. I miss wearing my Garmin and uploading my results and seeing a map of where I ran. I miss posting my pace results on FB. I miss posting pictures of the different places where I ran. I was beginning trail running. Why did all this have to be taken away now??

I try to remember what my life was like before running:

On the couch.
Eating McDonald’s.
Fat.
Size 3x shirt.
and very unhappy…

And when I remember what it was like back then—and what it’s like now….I am forced to admit that even without my running my life is good. Yes–only someone like me would have to feel forced to admit something so great.

I can spin—swim–and yoga at the gym. And granted its not the same as running—it’s also not the same as sitting on the couch eating McDonald’s and being very depressed. Is this “silver lining” thinking? “Cup half full” thinking? “Bright side” thinking? This kind of thinking is still fairly new to me. I’ve had years and years of focusing on what I’m not getting—and ignoring the multitude of blessings right in front of me.

——I belong to 2 gyms (one of them paid for by my job) that offer many classes at many different locations——I have great health with a great resting heart rate——I have friends that get me during this challenge——I have a job——My pants were loose on me today——I was able to train long enough to complete my San Francisco Nike Half——And I am happy.

I didn’t think this blog was going to have a happy ending. Oddly enough, I feel much better after writing it. Not running will not be the end of me. Not running will not be the end of the happiness I have found. Not running will not last forever. It’s a good life. And I have no complaints.

Well…except for not being able to run…


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About rsouleret

I am a mother of two beautiful girls. I work full time. And I run. ILML.

View all posts by rsouleret

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2 Comments on “In the Mind of Me.”

  1. moxyjen Says:

    Great quote. I enjoyed your post as well. Injuries are stressful. Way to work past it.

    Reply

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